A Fortunate Birth

I'd be remiss if I failed to post a mention of the recent birth: January 21 at 9:52 AM, after about 10 hours of labor, my wife gave birth to our daughter Alyanna Lynne. She has a strong set of lungs – I kid you not, she was born crying – and is nursing well. All of her bodily functions seem to be working in the proper fashion and she is already starting to settle into a less chaotic sleeping cycle. A very fortunate birth for both her and us, I am certain.

Dalton, recently turned seven years old, has taken well to having a little sister even though she gobbles up much of our time. We have made great efforts to not let him feel neglected or unloved, but even the best human efforts can come up short from time to time. We have impressed upon him that he must let us know how he feels so that we can minimize such circumstances when possible and proper – there is no reason for him to have to feel like we love his sister more than we do him even if she is certain to demand more from us on a consistent basis.

My wife seems to be recovering well (not painless, but pain only of a predictable, manageable sort) and is quickly producing sufficient supply for nursing. I've tried to limit the amount she has to be on her feet, of course, but she can be somewhat stubborn about not wanting to ask for too much help; that, and too much sitting isn't any better for her than too little.

In a surprising turn of events, it was strongly suggested by the Human Resources department at my work that I take a full week off instead of the previously scheduled three days. I was basically told “three days isn't enough,” and so I will return to work Monday instead of tomorrow morning. While not entirely necessary, it has been nice knowing that I didn't have to rush everything today in order to feel like I could comfortably make the attempt to return to a normal routine.

Not that anything here will constitute “normal” for a while, right?

So, in between naps and various chores, I have had quite the bit of time to read. Between the three books that I'm actively working on, I have turned 218 pages since arriving at the hospital around 1 AM on Saturday. That isn't really so much reading in terms of serious study, I'll admit, but it is a lot by my standards. Further, it has actually been quite enjoyable.

Have a accomplished much else?  No, not really.  I've spent some time playing Civilization V with Dalton and I've managed to [barely] catch up on laundry (which was in a sad state of affairs prior to the birth and obviously was not a particularly high priority immediately).  I also made some effort to observe the New Moon Uposatha on Monday, although I'll admit that it was far from stellar.  Regardless, I endeavor to continue to pursue the path even in the face of chaos and fatigue.

I hope you are well and may find peace of mind tonight.  I will write again soon, friends.

Thirty Years Old, So??

The last couple of days have been a pleasant retreat from the work life, as Thursday was offered to me as VTO (voluntary time off) and Monday was scheduled in advance for my birthday.  I am 30 years old, for anyone who is keeping score, and I don't feel a day over... 30...  Meh...

The weekend was relatively productive; much cleaning in preparation for the incoming baby was done and some time was allotted for reading, which has fallen woefully behind schedule, one could say.  All of the major chores are caught up and some of the less-routine ones are too (amazing!) while most of the post-Christmas chaos has been eliminated from the living room (if you don't know what I mean, you clearly don't do Christmas quite like we do) and it is actually looking like a living room again.  Ha!

On the more developmental side of things, some of the free time has been spent listening to some Dhamma talks by Ajahn Brahmali, a Bhikkhu at Bodhinyana Monastery in Perth, Australia. While I have yet to connect with a local teacher, I continue to find interesting new resources available online and in print to help further my practice. Such audio and video clips are especially helpful, as sometimes an alternate method of bringing in information is useful in pushing an important idea deeper into the mind... and considering the lack of a live teacher immediately available, I'm utilizing the next-best thing as far as I can tell.

A little time was spent in the creativity/construction mode again too, this time designing and creating a smaller, shall we say, more “travel size” version of my study guide. The first one of it's kind shown to the right (with the “full” version in-picture for size reference).

In case anyone reading is unfamiliar, on November 21, 2011, I debuted my first self-bound booklet, my "Study Guide," which includes a number of ritual/developmental passages and a complete copy of the Dhammapada.  This book was replaced on December 12, 2011 with a similar booklet that featured certain content improvements (including an article authored by Bhikkhu Bodhi, an American Theravada monk whose writings have become useful in my practice) and other features (a harder, more competent cover design being the main point).  I gifted the original to my sisters at Christmas time as they showed some interest in it and have used the newer one since. 

Now I have come to the conclusion that something smaller, less inclusive might be useful.  This is where my "travel size" compilation comes in.  The one I completed tonight (below, left) will remain in my home study area where my other books reside while the second one will live in my van.  Once a few books I have ordered arrive, the "full version" will go to work and live in my locker so that I no longer have to carry it to and from work every day.

 

Due to a materials shortage, I was unable to complete the second mini-booklet tonight (so, in fact, I didn't really even start it), but after a trip to Michaels, I'm quite certain I will be able to complete is quickly and effortlessly.  I did, however, choose cover colors and have some things set aside, ready (above, right).

As for other news, we are mere days from bringing forth our second child into the world, and event I will admit to be eagerly awaiting.  Of course, my wife is far more eager than I, even if she refuses to admit it -- I think her complaints of back pains are an eerie reminder of the end of her pregnancy with Dalton, leading me to believe that we may in the delivery room in as little as 48 hours, regardless of the January 27 due date.  I suppose we will know soon enough, no?

In closing, I was to thank the great multitude of friends that noticed and wished me a happy birthday today, whether it was Facebook reminding you that prompted it or you actually remembered (doesn't particularly matter to me), I appreciate the well wishes and hope you are all well too.

Metta.  I will write again soon.

New Year, New Blogging, New Mentality

Funny how the each new year tends to bring new blogging -- sort of like new years resolutions, but not as serious nor as difficult to keep.  With that in mind, I have made some visual changes to the blog to bring a lighter, brighter look to it, and am even considering a "dynamic" layout, although I'll more seriously contemplate that at a later date.

As it pertains to new blogging, I thought I'd share what I'm starting to see materialize as the year starts.

First, my old high school buddy, author of "Ramblings" as well as a previous blog (the title of which escapes me now) has once again purged the net of his previous writings and started anew.  This new blog, aptly titled "Thoughts and Brain Farts," is a giant unknown and, aside from my memory of his previous blogs, I can only speculate as to what will be posted.  I always look forward to this man's insights into the world, regardless of how much I have sometimes disagreed with his conclusions, and am confident that his thought experiments will continue to find ways to make me reconsider that which I assume to be true (or false) at any given time.

Next up, my younger little sister has created her first blog, titled "Fyrefly's Requiem."  I imagine it will be particularly interesting to me to gain insight into her thoughts on life, especially in light of events pertaining to our father and the struggles she will undoubtedly face.

Finally, new insight into my older little sister's life with a recent post on Glass Syringes that caught me off guard by focusing on real-life considerations rather than gaming.  Not that I mean to say that talk of computer games is a bad thing, but the additional inside-look at things that are going on in her life is a good thing from my perspective.

So this year looks like it will bring some new blog content for me to focus my attention towards, which is especially interesting as my own blog starts to take an unexpected, somewhat religious / philosophical overtone.  I continue to hope that my writings, which I'll admit are primarily for my own exploratory benefit, will somehow benefit others, and that when reading the blogs of others I will find constructive, beneficial things to say in support of all who, like myself, suffer in one way or another, some greater some smaller, always.

In closing, I'd like to share a few lines of text I found a few months ago, the reciting of which I find beneficial toward the retraining and betterment of my mental well-being, particularly as it pertains to relating to other beings:

May I have no enmity

may I have no hurtfulness

may I have no troubles of mind and body

may I be able to protect my own happiness.

Whatever beings there are –

     may they have no enmity

whatever beings there are –

     may they have no hurtfulness

whatever beings there are –

     may they have no troubles of mind and body

whatever beings there are –

     may they be able to protect their own happiness.

Be well, and as we start this new year, remember that no matter our differences, no matter how much another wrongs us, we aren't really all that different in life, suffering, and death.  Goodnight, friends.

An Enjoyable Holiday

Yes, the Christmas holiday has come and gone, and I have returned to work (albeit, for what seems to be a light, no overtime, week). The days off were well spent, I believe, mainly focusing on time with my son (who will be seven years old in a few days) and family, some of whom I have not seen in a while.

Saturday consisted of a dinner with a portion of the family, those I term the “core” family, consisting of my wife's parents, siblings, and one of her grandparents. Gifts were exchanged and a dinner enjoyed – a pleasant diversion, as always, after which time the family went to Christmas Eve service at their church and I returned home for some meditation time. Some years, we have also taken an evening drive to see Christmas lights, but we didn't this year, mainly as a result of our son being more sleepy than average...

Of course, that didn't help him get to bed any earlier, but I digress...

Woke up early anyway, Sunday, not that I really had any complaint about it. Enjoyed coffee, then tea, while Dalton opened his gifts. He never finds reason to complain, even though we have always been pretty moderate as it pertains to his Christmas gifts, and is amazingly patient as to getting into the things he receives. I feel like we've done something right with him and I hope we can repeat it when the newborn arrives in a few weeks.

After the morning had passed, we spent the afternoon and early evening with family again, including but not limited to the aforementioned “core” group. A large dinner (and far too many snacks) were consumed, of course, after which we returned home. I spent the remainder of the evening playing The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim (a Christmas gift, thanks to my wife's parents).

Monday was spent in Bellefontaine visiting my Dad, who, in his usual stubborn form, actually looks to be doing fairly well. Suffice to say, he doesn't look like a man that has been told by doctors that he will not live until June. Based on my own observations of him, I think he will exceed expectations by a noteworthy margin. My sisters seem to be doing pretty well, too.

A busy holiday weekend, and still alcohol free.  The first alcohol-free Christmas in twelve years, actually!

Before I close, I did want to share two more of the gifts I received this Christmas, and say some quick thank yous. First, to Michelle's sister Melissa, I wanted to say thank you for the amazing Chess set you gave me. I know such a gift requires considerable time and effort, and I greatly appreciate it. Michelle and I have already played on it, and I fully intend to get back into practice now that I have such a beautiful board with which to do so.

 

Second, I offer thanks to Michelle's parents for the Cardinals shirt. I'm sure I'll find an excuse to wear it downtown this coming summer, even if Pujols (the player named on the back of the shirt) is no longer with the team.

It always seems that people find the most interesting things to gift to me at Christmas time even though I tend to have no idea what to suggest to them when they ask "What do you want for Christmas?"  Even thought I spend a considerable amount of time trying to remind myself to not be too terribly attached to all of the "stuff" in the world, I greatly appreciate the thoughtfulness behind these gifts and will undoubtedly find some measure of enjoyment in them.

So, tonight I have started another book, Being Dharma: The Essence of the Buddha's Teachings, by Ajahn Chah.  I'm hopeful to complete this one prior to returning it and re-borrowing (and completing) The Lotus Sutra, but I suppose only time will prove whether I will succeed at that or not.  In any event, I'm looking forward to the new material and am certain I will find it useful.

Find peace and be well, friends.  I will write again soon.

On Reading, the Holiday, and Change in General

Each day I make the effort to do a certain amount of reading. This is a recently adopted habit for me (like, since I quit drinking two weeks ago), and an oddly enjoyable one which I intend to continue.

Of course, some of my reading is done in the form of my Study Guide, which has taken a central place in my daily practice. Each day I have three pages of what I consider “ritual reading:” my Affirmations, the taking of the Five Precepts, and a series of Daily Recollections. These are then, time permitting, followed by a brief piece on Idle Speech (basically when to speak or not to speak) and a reciting of the Heart Sutra. A passage from the Dhammapada generally follows. I go through this routine three or four times a day, with additional reading on certain days as appropriate.

For additional reading, particularly because I cannot expect to “learn” anything new through reciting and memorization of the same text every day, I am intent on keeping at least one book on hand at all times to read, maybe finding time each day for ten or so pages before setting it aside in order to complete my household duties and work.

The last couple weeks, I have been reading The Lotus Sutra (translated by Burton Watson). The book is long, and perhaps wordier than necessary, but I always feel like I received something, even if small, each day in my reading of it. Today, I read a passage that sort of speaks to how I have felt as I have progressed in my daily practice, and I thought it appropriate to share.

“We beg the most honored of heavenly and human beings

to turn the wheel of the unsurpassed Law.

Strike the great Dharma drum,

blow the great Dharma conch,

rain down the great Dharma rain all around

to save immeasurable living beings!

We direct all our faith and entreaties to you--

let your profound and far-reaching voice sound out!”

This struck me because I have found that my own internal feeling on everything I have been reading could be interpreted this way. I hadn't thought about it much, but I have been going from one source to another taking in as much as I can and applying it to my life, and then, at every turn, asking for more. My search for information seems never-ending, and the available supply of it similarly inexhaustible. It is raining personal truth all around me, and quite frankly, I'm having fun learning about and fitting it into my life.

So I will have to return this copy of The Lotus Sutra to the library on Friday so that another, possibly like-minded library patron might partake of his or her own share in this Dharma rain, and I find myself oddly happy. Sure, I'm making certain that I keep my place logged so that I can borrow the book another time and complete it, but I don't mind the idea that someone else will hopefully get something from it as I have and be made more complete by it, even if only in some infinitely small way.

In any event, I'll have another book to read in the meantime, so I'll continue to take in the information and, clearly, will not have to sit idle.

So we also have the holiday coming up, and I figured I'd switch topics briefly before I close for the night. Saturday I do believe my family will be going to church, so I am looking forward to some quiet time at home for reflection an reading that evening, and Sunday is the ever-important Christmas Day.

I'm looking forward to spending time with the family, including my wife's parents of course, and just enjoying my son's response to the day. I'm sure he'll be very pleased, and if past Christmases are any indication, he will be supremely well behaved (another reason I don't dread the holiday). He's never been the sort to get ill-mannered or hurried, so I like to think that we have raised him well, thus far.

Monday, we'll be driving to Bellefontaine to visit my family there and see how my father is doing. I'm hopeful that he will be in good spirits and not feeling too terribly unwell as a result of his chemo treatment last week. My posts on Facebook continually receive responses of well wishes and indications of prayer, both of which I know he greatly appreciates, so I thank you all for reading and for your compassion.

In closing, I do want to take a moment and say that I appreciate those of my friends and family who have not let my personal changes in mindset, beliefs, or behavior alienate me from them.  I do feel as if a few of my friends have basically stopped talking to me or limited contact with me, and I think that is unfortunate, but I won't be apologizing for it anytime soon.  If my intent is to become a better person, and that intent turns someone away, then I shall let them be so inclined without any malice.  Ultimately, I must file that under "Not My Problem," and move on in peace.

My hope is that you are well and at ease, my friends.

Low Moments

Late last night I had an unpleasant but necessary phone conversation with my father. Those who read regularly might recall that he has been ill for some time with nodular melanoma, an aggressive skin cancer. We talked for about half an hour (a very long phone conversation for him, by any measure). He has started a new round of chemo and wanted to talk about his experience, among other things.

While we talked, I found something he had written in one of his online publications that I believe illustrates the situation better than I can in my own words, so I will quote it here:

“A most difficult day that began with my Doctors taking me into a room with three other people waiting. I worked at a hospital for twenty years and I recognized immediately the purpose of this room. We used to refer to it as the “Grief Room.” These were “end of life” counselors that are typically brought in to give patients advice during the last ninety days. The doctors do not believe I can make it to my goal of June to get my youngest daughter out of High School. They may be right… but I am one determined father. Then the chemo was just awful. I had not realized any IV could be so painful as it burned the vein. I am light-headed and dizzy tonight but I am going through the nightly routines because I must. I am simply unready to surrender my life yet. I am having too much fun and too much left undone.”

Clearly, optimism as to his future is diminishing and preparative measures will need to be taken in the coming weeks so that as many loose ends are tied as possible before his condition worsens. That said, his resolve is strong and he is unwilling to give up. That stubbornness of his may pay off; if one gives up, it is effectively a self-fulfilling prophesy at that point: inevitable failure.

I'll continue to keep friends and family updated here and on Facebook as a receive new information. I appreciate everyone's well-wishes and consideration.

Remember the now, and be well, friends.

Sorting Things Out

Well, this isn't going to make a lot of sense because I don't necessarily feel compelled to share too much on what has been on my mind since my last post. At least not yet, anyway. Suffice to say, I have been quite busy sorting out some fairly serious things, and I tend to be a little out of the ordinary when that sort of thing takes place.

Fact is, maybe in some tiny ways I'm not done sorting them out, but after some considerable temptations I feel like I've come out on top – made the more honorable, dare I say “righteous,” decisions and kept intact that which really matters to me.

On a side note, somewhat as a random repercussion of my stress over the last few weeks, I have made significant strides in managing my weight. Since my last post, I've shed a little more than 20 pounds. That's about 10% of my body mass, and I must say I am feeling really good about it. It may only be in my mind, but I feel “sexy” for a change, and you can imagine that such a feeling does wonders for one's attitude about... well... pretty much everything.

Fact is, if I quit drinking, I'd probably be down to my goal weight of 170 by Christmas... but, quite frankly, I'm not in THAT big of a hurry... and I think I have a few more tricks up my sleeve that might still get me there. We'll see...

In any event, I wanted to express that I haven't forgotten entirely about the blog, but obviously have had things on my mind that didn't rank highly on my “crap I want to tell random people about” list.

Place the quote: “I was thinking. And it hurt! Hurt my head!”

On that... in all actuality, thinking usually hurts my stomach... at least when it is the “serious” sort of stuff... Meh...

Be well, friends!  

A Ramble on Milestones

I feel like I'm hitting a couple of significant milestones this year, so I kinda feel like talking about that for a moment.

We all gauge the progress of our lives in different ways, on that much I think most people can agree. Some of us think of the passing of time in terms of what job we were working or which woman we were with at any given point on the time line, and I can only imagine that many people find a multitude of different, sometimes odd ways, to delineate the passage of time.

I have a few different means for measuring time that are significant to me today. The first is the measure of my marriage, which, in August, will reach eight years into my past. Reaching two years further would be the date when I met my wife. Yes, she and I have been together an entire decade. Another significant measure of time for me would be my son's lifespan, currently six years. So, in a four year period, I met my wife, married her, and had our first child.

In the six years proceeding, there are only a few other noteworthy milestones, but they're pretty big...

First, our move to Cincinnati (and the employment changes that came with it). Moving was a big change for me, going from the small-town mentality to managing my time in perspective of the larger city. That, and my employment change was massive – warehouse work is a huge culture shock to someone having worked a IT help desk for nine years previous. While I see the move as having been a very positive thing for my family, it was not a good change for me singularly, and it has brought about a number of various issues in my life that I have dealt with over time.

While dealing with the stress of preparing to move, and subsequently dealing with the new job and seemingly insane people I had to get used to working with, I note for the record that I quickly became “that guy” that drinks every night without a reason. Today, this milestone I see is a bit more approximate, but significant none the less... Accounting for days when I was ill, I can safely estimate that I have consumed an average of four alcoholic beverages every night over the past 2,000 nights. That's over one-million calories for anyone keeping score, meaning I could possibly weight in about 125 pounds lighter today had I never drank a drop of it.

And that isn't said in an effort to suggest that I intend to quit drinking... I'm simply too analytical to not see it for what it is, and it is a systematic change that has affected my life dramatically over the years.

So the fact is that I've effectively become a “functional alcoholic” in the last five or so years while adapting to a giant home and family change that then became an ugly, and belated fiscal policy change – another milestone, if you will. In many ways, our choice to move to Cincinnati forced us into bankruptcy, albeit not because of the move itself but my own estimation that we would at least make income equal to 70% of what we had made prior to the move.

We didn't, and still don't.

It took a few years, but we finally realized that we were going bankrupt two years ago and made a series of changes to our financial policy that have kept our main bills paid while discharging all the ones we couldn't afford anymore, including two cars, a house, and over $20,000 in credit card debt.

It also included a personal loan to my dad, which to this day I am frustrated at not having been able to repay...

So now I start to move into familiar territory...

Aside from my Dad's recent diagnosis with cancer (which I don't feel like discussing today), I also had a significant event among my circle of friends.  Four months ago I made a drive northward to visit two of them, the only two from my high school days that I have retained any concern for over the years. That said, I have come to recognize this event as a bit of a closure, in that I seem immensely less likely to see two friends again in the near future... and in a way, while we are still friends in the sense that matters, we are no longer friends in the manner such as we were 11-12 years ago...

Sure, it is common for friends to sort of move on after high school, but I guess I only realized it had happened to us after this one particular get-together. Both of these friends and I have had but a few actual conversations since that day, and one has been so far aloof as to post on Twitter that he has a new phone number but he has not bothered to tell me what it is – which kind of feels like a slap in the face to me, but in an odd sort of way I'm okay with it, if maybe a little irritated, because I figure I'm easy enough to reach that anyone that really wants to will call when they want.

Fact is, I grew tired of being ignored and forgotten when I need a friend around that same time, and I have since given up on the idea that anyone really wants to listen to me talk about my troubles.

So I guess the odd thing is that most days I feel happy when I go to sleep and happy (if maybe a litltle groggy) when I wake up. That is pretty damned amazing considering how much I complain about nearly every person and everything that irritates me throughout every day... I kinda wonder if there will eventually be a day when I will look into the past and say that 2,000 days have passed since I started feeling happy inside again.

Thoughts on Current Events in Hickersonia

Well, I have the peculiar fortune of having the coming weekend entirely to myself for only the second time in five years. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, although I must admit that I'm a little disappointed that I don't really have any money to spend (always makes passing the time easier if one has money) or someone with whom to hang out.

Of course, it isn't that I don't have money – in fact, I feel more free financially than I have in three or four years. The issue at hand here is that we have a lot of things going on and have decided to spend our money in ways that make me feel like we don't have any.

The biggest problem I'm wrapping my head around is my scheduled FMLA leave in June... 3 days off work without pay is going to wreak havoc on the budget if I don't save up the difference in overtime hours between now and then, which doesn't seem hard to do (I do work a lot of overtime anymore...) but still keeps money tied up that otherwise wouldn't be.

Of course, the FMLA leave is essential. My father has a surgery scheduled that may shed light on his cancer condition, and while I may be able to get away with only two days off, I would be surprised.

The other big thing going on is our plan to move, yet again. It isn't that our apartment is the worst place to live – I would even recommended it to people so long as a few criteria are met. The first one would have to be that the person looking at it would have to be the sort of person that doesn't care about a yard. Funny, how we have a decent sized grassy area around our complex but I don't feel that anyone can go out there because of the dog shit randomly left around and about. Yes, dog shit. Everywhere. No one cleans up after their dogs, and many of the owners don't even bother to leash them.

Next big factor for anyone wishing to live here: Live small. 800 square feet is simply not sufficient for all of our stuff. Sure, we've made the place into a cozy, if crowded, home for us, but we just never found a way to downsize to where we really fit. Clearly, size matters.

Finally, the one that has been bothering us the most in recent weeks: Smoking. Lets just say this, if you don't smoke, you probably don't want to live here. It has gotten to the point where we are occasionally smelling cigarette smoke inside the apartment even with the windows shut, and forget about opening them... From what I can tell, every neighbor on our side of the building smokes like a factory and, being we're on the top floor and heat rises, well... we get it all.

Aside from the major drawbacks here, like I said, the apartment really isn't so bad. The management does maintain things reasonably well. Not an example of perfection, but decent, and they are responsive to issues as they arise, something we could not say about our previous complex. Fact is, we simply have a much better opportunity and feel the need to take it.

Not far from our pre-bankruptcy house there is a little house on a quiet, dead end street where a whole bunch of elderly folks have made their last stand. This little house is empty and the owner seems to want to rent it to us. The house isn't huge, but it has a room that would make an ideal classroom for our son, plus a basement and garage. Fact is, even if the house is only 1,200 finished square feet, the classroom space and additional storage room alone will de-clutter our home tremendously, and lately it seems as if the constant state of disarray is the only thing that really depresses me from day to day.

So we come back to the fact that I'm home alone this weekend with little available money. If I get bored enough, my wife may return home to the clutter re-organized... *evil laugh* Netflix and Fallout 3 for three solid days sounds like enough to keep me busy, though, what do you think?

Haven't Had a Lot to Say, Huh?

No, I guess I haven't. In the last couple of weeks, I have found time to win Fallout: New Vegas, siding with the NCR. I have since started playing again, but this time I'm choosing a more neutral, self-centered approach. I also got started into a round of an RP game called Classic Country Capital, but oddly have found that I haven't the time for it like I used to, what with our son's home schooling, work, and other things (aka family).

Last week, for instance, I was presented the opportunity to see my brother. He came to Cincinnati from the St Louis area for an overnight visit before departing northward to visit with our Dad and sisters in Bellefontaine. I hadn't seen him in 20 years, and have come to the realization that I've missed a lot having so little contact with the rest of the family. So, as might be expected of me, many alcoholic beverages were consumed and enjoyed. Fortunately, very little in the way of “side effects” were experienced the following day, and all told, it was a very pleasant, informative visit.

Following my brother's visit, my wife and I were permitted the luxury of a child-free weekend, thanks to her parents. Whilst they took him to Toledo to visit family there, my wife and I went to a car show downtown and enjoyed some movie madness via Netflix. “Angels & Demons,” “The Pledge,” “2012,” and “Surrogates” were among the featured titles, and those along with generous doses of amaretto made for a pleasant weekend that involved surprisingly very little computer time and oddly early bedtimes (for me, anyway).

So I guess what I'm getting at is that I've been busy doing other things, and while a few things have suffered, such as my blog writing, I feel like I've actually done something for a change. Not that I necessarily intend to make a habit of that – geesh, that would ruin my reputation!

Now Playing: New Vegas

For the time being, I've decided to put my Civilization V back on the shelf and play Fallout: New Vegas for a while. Some of my friends may recall that I have played it a bit previously, but now that I have it properly patched (a grudging thanks to Steam) and, quite frankly, the game works a lot better now. Something in the first batch of updates that Steam downloaded must have optimized the game's performance with my video card (or some other such nonsense) and it simply plays better (less laggy) than before.

So far, since starting to play on Sunday, I've apparently logged a solid 6 hours in New Vegas (as opposed 79 hours that it claim's I've played Civilization V. Of course, Civilization is a turn-based game, which means I can leave it sitting whilst I do other things without cataclysmic events resulting in my loosing the game... so, adjusting for that, I'd place my actual Civ game time at a more respectable 50 hours.

But I digress...

As for Fallout, I've always been impressed with the story behind the games (the first two of which I have not played) and New Vegas seems to be no exception. Further, the music used for Fallout 3 was a wonderful break from real-life, present-day rubbish, and it was extremely fun to listen to while blasting enemies.

For New Vegas, the developers chose to incorporate a musical score that includes what I'd call “old country western” songs. While appropriate for the setting, I'll admit that I found the music from the Capital Wasteland a little more to my liking. Further, I have yet to hear the great multitude of different songs that I recall from Fallout 3 – meaning, I'm hearing the same songs with greater frequency.

Of course, as I mentioned earlier, I've only invested 6 hours in the game. Maybe there is a New Vegas equivalent to the “Galaxy News Radio” quest? I try to not read too much ahead of where I am in the game in fear of spoilers, so I don't really know.

In other news: Sunday was my 29th birthday, so I guess I'm starting to get old. Or not, but I sure feel old some days. My wife was kind enough to prepare some insanely thick cheeseburgers with fries and onion rings as my so-called “birthday dinner.” I suppose this is the only day of the year when she'll willingly put her hands into a pile of ground beef – otherwise it is my job.

Thing is, she cooks them better. Shame...

Also want to comment on our son's schooling, which is progressing nicely and exceeding the requirements (as usual). He will soon be undergoing the AIMsweb Benchmark testing (same thing he did in September) to see how he is progressing. I will try to make time to post those results when they are delivered to us.

And now I guess it is time for me to go to work.

Creative Play and Learning

This weekend I got back into an old “hobby” if you will... loom knitting. I created two hats, both of which I mandated that our son model for the camera:

The first one (left) was made merely to re-learn the process, and I dare say it turned out relatively well. It kept my head reasonably warm while I was outside a few times during the day on Sunday, but I don't know if it would have kept up with the frigid temperatures on Saturday. It took about two hours of work sporadically throughout the evening to complete... I believe Michelle and I watched several episodes of Kingdom Hospital and I played about 100 turns of Civilization V whilst I worked.

The second one, inspired by Old Glory (otherwise known as the American Flag) took about twice as much time (and yarn) to finish. Each “stitch” is comprised of two strands of yarn as opposed to the single strands utilized in the first one, adding weight and thickness (and presumably insulation). Ther was also the added complication of the 13 alternating red and white bands which I think I could do a little better if I made another one, but I doubt the difference would be visible from the outside.

While I worked on the Old Glory hat, our son decided he wanted to work on something of his own. My wife was kind enough to explain the process and, with some help, he has managed to get a lot further with it than I then expected.

In a feat of manual dexterity (at least for a six year old), he has completed 14 rows. With some mistakes, of course, but nothing that wouldn't make it possible for him to complete a cute hat for a stuffed animal if he wants.

So my weekend was filled with yarn and lazing around the apartment with the family.  What more could I really ask for?

Probably The Last Post of 2010

Well I certainly hope everyone has had a pleasant holiday. I can say with certainty that we in Hickersonia have, in spite of a few stressful moments and gripes here and there. We did end up spending more than I originally wanted on Christmas related things (doubled our Christmas budget at the last minute, actually), but we still kept our total expenditure well below the $658 amount the so-called “average” American has apparently spent this year and made absolutely no purchases on credit. I guess I'd call that a financially successful Christmas.

So, moving on, I do have a certain disappointment to share with this post. I have found some surprise in who has chosen to contact me this season to wish me a Merry Christmas and the like, while certain others have, well... not. I understand many of us our quite busy, but I think most of us still have time to shoot off a text message or a wall post on Facebook. Many of my friends didn't even do that.

Okay, I'll admit there are people that I didn't contact too. I guess what that means is I understand first-hand why I was “forgotten.” Not that I don't care, or that they don't care, but that we obviously don't care enough, so while I can accept some blame on the matter as it comes to those who might point a finger at me, that doesn't make me any less disappointed with those who I hoped to hear from, at least briefly, this season.

Moving on again, I wanted to share something of a lighter nature. This year, my son's “Christmas haul” included a NERF gun. I noticed it at Meijer a couple months ago and decided that it was about time he be introduced to some projectile fun (that didn't involve large, heavy objects flying around the rooms of our 800 square foot apartment). The model we purchased is the Maverick Rev-6, a six-shooter which included six plunger darts (at least one of which my son has already misplaced) that will, using the amazing power of suction, stick to many flat surfaces.

Of course, after our son opened this thing and started playing with it, I decided that I had to have one too... but I wasn't about to be out-done by a mere six-shooter. I browsed online for the right foam firearm and, after reviewing some of them close up at the store, chose the Raider CS-35.

As the name might suggest, this thing is designed to fire 35 darts prior to reloading, and for that purpose carries a drum magazine that reminds me of the combat shotgun from Fallout 3. That similarity may actually even be one of the things that attracted me to this particular design...

And so, hilarity ensues. Well, not for you because you aren't here to witness it, but my son absolutely loves this stuff and I've found that apparently I do too.  Once in a while it is nice to share something fun with one's children, right?

Anyway, I hope everyone has enjoyed a blessed Christmas, and I hope the new year is good to everyone as we move forward.  Maybe the new year will bring me more things to blog about, eh?  Hopefully fun things, if so.

The Life that Didn't Know it was Alive

Yesterday the official word came down from my wife's doctor that our pregnancy is over. I'm not sure how the doctor put it (because I don't have any option of leaving work for this sort of thing without attendance penalties, so I wasn't present), but it all comes down to a single word:

Miscarriage.

Okay, I guess technically speaking the miscarriage hasn't occurred yet as my wife continues to carry the poor life that once was but will never be. I guess that is supposed to be rectified today via surgical procedure... Anyway, those who know me probably understand that this sort of thing is difficult for me because of my particular views on when a human life (or really any life, I suppose) begins. Not that I blame anyone, I simply find it very depressing.

My wife seems to be dealing with it pretty well, but I have a feeling it just hasn't sunk in yet. I'm figuring that will change soon, so I guess it is good that I will have probably gotten past my own sadness on the matter. Dalton seems to be doing OK too, but insisted on writing about how the baby died for his “free writing” handwriting practice.

So a sad time in Hickersonia this week... Hopefully better news will be forthcoming...

Tariffs on Imported Candy Reach Record Highs

Well the Trick or Treating thing was fun this year. We ended up doing it twice because one of our friends' neighborhood was doing it on Saturday whilst my wife's family's locality was doing it on Sunday. Of course, this meant that I hung out “with the guys” and passed out the candy while the ladies took the kids out.

Numerous cheap lagers were consumed, of course. I have paid for that a little this morning but my coffee is seems to have, thus far, compensated adequately.

But for all the hassle involved in drinking those lagers, we do reap some benefit:  My son's candy haul was rather impressive. Duties paid on the imported sweets should yield to the King a nice sugar high from time to time. Yes, I have been teaching my son the concept of taxation through the taking of a certain percentage of his candy each Halloween. *evil laugh*

Tomorrow's election should be kinda interesting. I don't really have a whole lot to say about it at the moment, being that I've resigned myself to the idea that the two major parties are worthless... suffice to say, my votes will be placed firmly within the territory of the Constitution and Libertarian parties (depending on which is presented as an option) and with the Republican candidates only when no other option is available.

I know there are many expecting some sort of major reversal in Congress this week as a result of the election, but I don't really expect any “change” even if a massive number of Republicans replace Democrats... it is only if we oust these two self-righteous legions entirely that we have the potential to truly see change in the behavior of our government. Fiscal responsibility has not been the strong suit of either major party in decades with even the best facade of such plagued with cronyism, corruption, and so-called “pork barrel politics.” I guess what I'm trying to get at is that no one should be holding their breath in anticipation of anything special or new...

And now, hi ho hi ho, off to work I go...

I Wasn't Kidding...

On September 24 I made the comment on Facebook that I was feeling as if I were “starting a new chapter of my life.” I have found that this is more true than I at first believed... Over the weekend we came to the realization that Michelle is pregnant, and calculated that she is possibly as far as five weeks along.

Of course, this revelation compels me to the realization that I do, indeed, need my job a lot more than they need me, first and foremost in order to maintain health insurance to cover the to-be-determined cost of bringing another child into the world. Of course, I also have great need of many, many more Federal Reserve Notes... Even if the currency is merely a fake paper facade, it still proves useful from time to time.

So now I have the daunting challenge of funding the further growth of Hickersonia under the circumstances of a seemingly endless economic crunch. I have some measure of faith that things will be OK, but I have to admit my hesitation to assume it at face value... More on this later.

9 Years of the Hickersonian Dream

This day officially marks seven years that my wife and I have been married. We met each other over the internet two years earlier, making our relationship not only the longest in which I have participated but certainly my most meaningful. We have brought a son into this world, now five years old and being schooled at home – we have made a lot of sacrifices and overcome many challenges to build our lives.

We have become comfortable with each other without loosing the power of the passion we feel or loosing sight of our combined goals in raising our son. I know too few who are so happy with their spouse, and even when we have hard times I know no other, greater love than that which I feel for her.

The challenges undoubtedly continue daily as we manage our time between our jobs, home schooling, and simply trying to enjoy each others company. Sometimes our son makes further challenges us with the usual 5-year-old attitudes and unusual decision-making processes that can frustrate even the most patient parents, and other times my own frustration with work can bleed over into everything else I do, making me irritable and all-around unsociable. We seem to have an unusual knack of getting through such stresses with hardly a flinch, and I pray that we continue to be so blessed.

And so we continue our epic journey, the Hickersonian Dream if you will. We take each other as we are, even the not-so-loveable parts, and we make a family like none I've ever known previously. I only wish that everyone could have what we have.