Moving on...

Hello Friends,

Since August, 2010, this blog has served well for my thought experiments, contemplations, and complaints.  78 posts in about a year and a half - seems like a lot sometimes but other times it doesn't...  Many of those posts (especially earlier on) include gripes about bankruptcy and financial distress, work, and other interpersonal problems, some of which I feel like I've moved on from for the most part.  Another large chunk of text was devoted to political issues, another area of life I don't feel like discussing much anymore.

That said, others posts focus on family, home schooling, and philosophical/spiritual considerations, which are still relevant and important in my daily life.

This is why I've decided to move to a new site, but keep this one hanging around as a testament to the continual change and impermanence in life.  This allows the "clean slate" effect while simultaneously not purging any history (I guess I'm a data hoarder and I'm leaving my mess on the internet, you're welcome).  As I change, so do the mediums by which I express my existence.  So, those who are interested, you may find my newest postings here.  I hope my future contemplation contain useful insight and are beneficial not just to myself, but to those who bother to read them.

Be at peace, my friends.  :)

A Fortunate Birth

I'd be remiss if I failed to post a mention of the recent birth: January 21 at 9:52 AM, after about 10 hours of labor, my wife gave birth to our daughter Alyanna Lynne. She has a strong set of lungs – I kid you not, she was born crying – and is nursing well. All of her bodily functions seem to be working in the proper fashion and she is already starting to settle into a less chaotic sleeping cycle. A very fortunate birth for both her and us, I am certain.

Dalton, recently turned seven years old, has taken well to having a little sister even though she gobbles up much of our time. We have made great efforts to not let him feel neglected or unloved, but even the best human efforts can come up short from time to time. We have impressed upon him that he must let us know how he feels so that we can minimize such circumstances when possible and proper – there is no reason for him to have to feel like we love his sister more than we do him even if she is certain to demand more from us on a consistent basis.

My wife seems to be recovering well (not painless, but pain only of a predictable, manageable sort) and is quickly producing sufficient supply for nursing. I've tried to limit the amount she has to be on her feet, of course, but she can be somewhat stubborn about not wanting to ask for too much help; that, and too much sitting isn't any better for her than too little.

In a surprising turn of events, it was strongly suggested by the Human Resources department at my work that I take a full week off instead of the previously scheduled three days. I was basically told “three days isn't enough,” and so I will return to work Monday instead of tomorrow morning. While not entirely necessary, it has been nice knowing that I didn't have to rush everything today in order to feel like I could comfortably make the attempt to return to a normal routine.

Not that anything here will constitute “normal” for a while, right?

So, in between naps and various chores, I have had quite the bit of time to read. Between the three books that I'm actively working on, I have turned 218 pages since arriving at the hospital around 1 AM on Saturday. That isn't really so much reading in terms of serious study, I'll admit, but it is a lot by my standards. Further, it has actually been quite enjoyable.

Have a accomplished much else?  No, not really.  I've spent some time playing Civilization V with Dalton and I've managed to [barely] catch up on laundry (which was in a sad state of affairs prior to the birth and obviously was not a particularly high priority immediately).  I also made some effort to observe the New Moon Uposatha on Monday, although I'll admit that it was far from stellar.  Regardless, I endeavor to continue to pursue the path even in the face of chaos and fatigue.

I hope you are well and may find peace of mind tonight.  I will write again soon, friends.

Thirty Years Old, So??

The last couple of days have been a pleasant retreat from the work life, as Thursday was offered to me as VTO (voluntary time off) and Monday was scheduled in advance for my birthday.  I am 30 years old, for anyone who is keeping score, and I don't feel a day over... 30...  Meh...

The weekend was relatively productive; much cleaning in preparation for the incoming baby was done and some time was allotted for reading, which has fallen woefully behind schedule, one could say.  All of the major chores are caught up and some of the less-routine ones are too (amazing!) while most of the post-Christmas chaos has been eliminated from the living room (if you don't know what I mean, you clearly don't do Christmas quite like we do) and it is actually looking like a living room again.  Ha!

On the more developmental side of things, some of the free time has been spent listening to some Dhamma talks by Ajahn Brahmali, a Bhikkhu at Bodhinyana Monastery in Perth, Australia. While I have yet to connect with a local teacher, I continue to find interesting new resources available online and in print to help further my practice. Such audio and video clips are especially helpful, as sometimes an alternate method of bringing in information is useful in pushing an important idea deeper into the mind... and considering the lack of a live teacher immediately available, I'm utilizing the next-best thing as far as I can tell.

A little time was spent in the creativity/construction mode again too, this time designing and creating a smaller, shall we say, more “travel size” version of my study guide. The first one of it's kind shown to the right (with the “full” version in-picture for size reference).

In case anyone reading is unfamiliar, on November 21, 2011, I debuted my first self-bound booklet, my "Study Guide," which includes a number of ritual/developmental passages and a complete copy of the Dhammapada.  This book was replaced on December 12, 2011 with a similar booklet that featured certain content improvements (including an article authored by Bhikkhu Bodhi, an American Theravada monk whose writings have become useful in my practice) and other features (a harder, more competent cover design being the main point).  I gifted the original to my sisters at Christmas time as they showed some interest in it and have used the newer one since. 

Now I have come to the conclusion that something smaller, less inclusive might be useful.  This is where my "travel size" compilation comes in.  The one I completed tonight (below, left) will remain in my home study area where my other books reside while the second one will live in my van.  Once a few books I have ordered arrive, the "full version" will go to work and live in my locker so that I no longer have to carry it to and from work every day.

 

Due to a materials shortage, I was unable to complete the second mini-booklet tonight (so, in fact, I didn't really even start it), but after a trip to Michaels, I'm quite certain I will be able to complete is quickly and effortlessly.  I did, however, choose cover colors and have some things set aside, ready (above, right).

As for other news, we are mere days from bringing forth our second child into the world, and event I will admit to be eagerly awaiting.  Of course, my wife is far more eager than I, even if she refuses to admit it -- I think her complaints of back pains are an eerie reminder of the end of her pregnancy with Dalton, leading me to believe that we may in the delivery room in as little as 48 hours, regardless of the January 27 due date.  I suppose we will know soon enough, no?

In closing, I was to thank the great multitude of friends that noticed and wished me a happy birthday today, whether it was Facebook reminding you that prompted it or you actually remembered (doesn't particularly matter to me), I appreciate the well wishes and hope you are all well too.

Metta.  I will write again soon.

Observations on Patience

I spent a considerable amount of time this weekend in reflective thought on a major failing point in my life, namely patience. I was up at a reasonable time today and the thought came about me that I should work on a little project. The specific nature of this project not being terribly important to the whole world, I shall suffice to say that it encompassed about four hours of fine-motor-skills repetition and only a vague picture in my mind of the intended outcome. Perhaps oddly, I had decided some time ago the physical nature of the project was, on the whole, not nearly as important as these two factors:

1. It needed to be done as a matter of the inward development of patience, and
2. it deserved to be done as a matter of an offering of appreciation.

Sometimes one does something for the less intrinsic reasons rather than the physical, obvious reasons. Today's work could have gone undone forever and no one but myself would ever had known of my intention, subsequent failure to commit, and ultimately, the reason for that failure:  unwillingness to have patience whilst performing the act in and of itself.

I have come to the conclusion today that often times we rush work on things, simply buy something that is suitable but not really as meaningful, or fail to deal with situations at all, solely out of the craving for instant gratification. In what form this gratification comes is probably not as important as a person's attachment and desire for it, because we can each be somewhat different in respect to what specific cravings afflict our mind. In my case, I was concerned that the task I had chosen would become boring or that I would decide that it looked bad, but ultimately these concerns had to be set aside. While failure was an option, it would not be the result of my simply never trying something.

Look upon history and tell me that men such as Francis Scott Key or Frédéric Auguste Bartholdi were so consumed by the need for instant gratification. My projects scale in the span of hours and days; such men toiled for years! Quite frankly, I would say that true greatness never became of anyone so terribly afflicted with impatience – a fact that I hope I can retrain my mind to fully comprehend... in time...

As I prepare for rest tonight, I bring to mind that tomorrow is a day of Uposatha observance... and as such will serve as a day of additional moderation further mental consideration.  While I never seem to quite fully observe such days, I am confident that my efforts at each opportunity further my practice.  This serves as another area of my mind in which intent is present but the patience, among other qualities, may at times be lagging behind.

Friends, I hope you are well and I shall share again soon.

New Year, New Blogging, New Mentality

Funny how the each new year tends to bring new blogging -- sort of like new years resolutions, but not as serious nor as difficult to keep.  With that in mind, I have made some visual changes to the blog to bring a lighter, brighter look to it, and am even considering a "dynamic" layout, although I'll more seriously contemplate that at a later date.

As it pertains to new blogging, I thought I'd share what I'm starting to see materialize as the year starts.

First, my old high school buddy, author of "Ramblings" as well as a previous blog (the title of which escapes me now) has once again purged the net of his previous writings and started anew.  This new blog, aptly titled "Thoughts and Brain Farts," is a giant unknown and, aside from my memory of his previous blogs, I can only speculate as to what will be posted.  I always look forward to this man's insights into the world, regardless of how much I have sometimes disagreed with his conclusions, and am confident that his thought experiments will continue to find ways to make me reconsider that which I assume to be true (or false) at any given time.

Next up, my younger little sister has created her first blog, titled "Fyrefly's Requiem."  I imagine it will be particularly interesting to me to gain insight into her thoughts on life, especially in light of events pertaining to our father and the struggles she will undoubtedly face.

Finally, new insight into my older little sister's life with a recent post on Glass Syringes that caught me off guard by focusing on real-life considerations rather than gaming.  Not that I mean to say that talk of computer games is a bad thing, but the additional inside-look at things that are going on in her life is a good thing from my perspective.

So this year looks like it will bring some new blog content for me to focus my attention towards, which is especially interesting as my own blog starts to take an unexpected, somewhat religious / philosophical overtone.  I continue to hope that my writings, which I'll admit are primarily for my own exploratory benefit, will somehow benefit others, and that when reading the blogs of others I will find constructive, beneficial things to say in support of all who, like myself, suffer in one way or another, some greater some smaller, always.

In closing, I'd like to share a few lines of text I found a few months ago, the reciting of which I find beneficial toward the retraining and betterment of my mental well-being, particularly as it pertains to relating to other beings:

May I have no enmity

may I have no hurtfulness

may I have no troubles of mind and body

may I be able to protect my own happiness.

Whatever beings there are –

     may they have no enmity

whatever beings there are –

     may they have no hurtfulness

whatever beings there are –

     may they have no troubles of mind and body

whatever beings there are –

     may they be able to protect their own happiness.

Be well, and as we start this new year, remember that no matter our differences, no matter how much another wrongs us, we aren't really all that different in life, suffering, and death.  Goodnight, friends.