9 Years of the Hickersonian Dream

This day officially marks seven years that my wife and I have been married. We met each other over the internet two years earlier, making our relationship not only the longest in which I have participated but certainly my most meaningful. We have brought a son into this world, now five years old and being schooled at home – we have made a lot of sacrifices and overcome many challenges to build our lives.

We have become comfortable with each other without loosing the power of the passion we feel or loosing sight of our combined goals in raising our son. I know too few who are so happy with their spouse, and even when we have hard times I know no other, greater love than that which I feel for her.

The challenges undoubtedly continue daily as we manage our time between our jobs, home schooling, and simply trying to enjoy each others company. Sometimes our son makes further challenges us with the usual 5-year-old attitudes and unusual decision-making processes that can frustrate even the most patient parents, and other times my own frustration with work can bleed over into everything else I do, making me irritable and all-around unsociable. We seem to have an unusual knack of getting through such stresses with hardly a flinch, and I pray that we continue to be so blessed.

And so we continue our epic journey, the Hickersonian Dream if you will. We take each other as we are, even the not-so-loveable parts, and we make a family like none I've ever known previously. I only wish that everyone could have what we have.

The Hickersonian Political Platform

First and foremost, I must acknowledge that my personal political ideology is not the same as that of the entire family. My wife is, arguably, much more liberal on most topics than I am, but she also doesn't really care about a lot of political subjects. For that, I sometimes find myself quite thankful – I can only imagine the stress of continually arguing various subjects with the only person in the world I can't get rid of... Anyway...

My personal philosophy on political structure always goes back to the Constitution. I'm a self-proclaimed strict-constructionist, which (in simplicity) means that the text of the Constitution, or of any document, can only be interpreted by itself and a dictionary. A lot of people insist on attempting to interpret documents based on the original writers' intent, which I have come to believe is nearly impossible to know, and others seem to think that politicians can and should be able to simply re-invent the context of a statement whenever it suits their needs. Fact is, to me there can be only one way to interpret a volume of text, and while I'm willing to allow for some wiggle room for “oops, we were wrong” scenarios, I can't excuse changes in interpretation of law that permit any government a so-called new power that it never seemed to have previously.

I do take this to extremes... I know, and to some degree I understand and appreciate that people find my comments humorous. I don't believe that there is any Constitutional justification for federal funding of highways, federal regulation of telecommunication systems, or even the existence of NASA, an entity that appears to branch out from the Air Force but performs missions that are governed outside of that entity. I tend to think that most of these things should be handed at the state level where the Constitution throws pretty much everything that isn't specifically spelled out in it, or the Constitution should have been amended to permit the authorities that the government currently exercises with impunity.

With the above said, I know better than to say that I think we can return to what I would consider to be a Constitutional standard. Most people wouldn't even consider it a desirable situation, and those that would probably relish the idea of economic havoc and misery that might ensue as a result. The biggest evil of our government is that it has grown so large and powerful that we're all too addicted to it to give it up without sacrificing something that we feel like we need. Of course, I feel like this is the point behind why the politicians have led the government to this point – we need it more and more every passing day, and that means they can tax us both directly (income, sales, and property taxes) and indirectly (corporate taxes, search and seizures of property that “may have been used in the commission of a crime”, and inflation) and we'll never really do anything about it.

So I look to this problem with a weary eye and I am forced, as many are, to pick a side that is seemingly “less evil” than the other side(s), and usually I'm either forced to pick one of two entities or to choose a third that has nearly no real authority with which to lead. Placing my faith behind Democrats feels to me like giving the government a blank check and telling it to spend as much as it wants on pretty much anything, most of which seems to affect me none but cost the country millions. Placing my faith behind Republicans feels similar, except that I'm giving the check to business and the military in specific with which to execute economic irregularities and conflicts in countries many Americans tend to be unable to even identify on a map.

I side with Libertarians on a great many issues but they seem to have no political momentum whatsoever; same with Constitutionalists when don't even get a slot on most ballots because there isn't enough support for them to fill their petitions...

Generally speaking, unless provoked by someone else, I don't really bother to discuss politics much anymore due to my disgust with the mess. Much like the problems I see at work every day, no one is really interested in fixing the “real problems” because they probably have no idea what the problems really are. Do I know better? Not really...

So politically, I choose to stand for my principles. I call myself a Strict-Constructionist / Constitionalist, and until something better comes along, I will continue to advocate a simple, plain text version of handling law and politics. The only question I really feel like I have to ask when it comes to new legislation and regulation of anything at the federal level is: “Where in the Constitution does the government derive that authority?”

Hickersonia Elementary Opens

Well, our son started Kindergarten on Monday, albeit officially school doesn't begin until tomorrow. So far, he and I have focused on handwriting, social studies, and history courses – things I feel relatively confident I can at least help with. His mother will be working with him on reading, language arts, and math. There will also be a science course, although I'm not sure how we'll do that class yet since I can get into it but I may just not have time every day.

This home schooling program through K-12 is pretty interesting, for those who might be interested in that sort of thing. I never really thought it could be made easy enough for parents to handle, but it looks like they did a better job than I could have anticipated. I particularly like the “Study Island” program they have because I can set him up on it in the morning for 20 or so minutes while I get my coffee started and try to wake myself up enough for the other lessons. Hey, I gotta have my caffeine you know!

Of course, school starts while work is pounding me with overtime, but I guess I can't have it easy or I'd be cheating or something...

Continued Economic Blues

I've come to the conclusion that my employer, either by accident or design, has realized it's position as the giver (and taker) of life. This is an unfortunate economic truth that I suspect many local employers are enforcing, especially with Ohio's average unemployment rate at 10.4% (with the Cincinnati rate closely mirroring the state average). In my case, I'm paid a so-called “competitive wage” of 13.30$ hourly (a wage I had surpassed by about a dollar an hour over four years ago at my last job), and I find little comfort in it except that it is currently sufficient, albeit barely, to meet our needs when supplemented by my wife's part-time employment.

I find myself asking, however; whatever happened to the times of the single-income family? I wouldn't feel so bad frustrating myself needlessly at work every day if my wife didn't have to work for us to still meet our needs, but as it stands there is just no way to survive without the second income. No one ever said life had to be “fair,” I realize that, but with no debt, no major medical problems, and a reasonable rental payment for our home, what does it take to manage on a single income?

I assure you, I'll be working on a solution to this question over the next few months.

But beyond that, I will continue the struggle to balance my work life with my home life... something that seems harder to do with each passing month.

Turning a Page

This morning my wife embarked on the first day at her new job, turning yet another page in Hickersonian history, even if not quite starting a new chapter yet. She goes from a full time daycare/preschool position at a seemingly underfunded company to a part-time gig with a church-operated preschool. 40 hours weekly down to 16; 7.75$ per hour up to 11$.

Technically speaking there is a pay decrease but certain other factors apply to make this a potentially favorable change. The biggest such factors include the elimination of child care (and the 74$ weekly expense involved with it) and the fact that she'll have more time for home schooling our son, which I dare say is the actual start of our next so-called “chapter.”

Overall, this change was budgeted as a $2,430.80 decrease in our yearly income, not an inconsequential amount, but we feel it is worth the cost to secure the proper environment for home schooling our son. Of course, this sort of deficit required an extensive package of trimmings to our expenses, forcing us to move to a smaller, lower-rent apartment (hoping for lower utility costs as well), drop certain cell phone services, and change where we store our excess items. I have estimated the total cuts to the budget around 200$ monthly.

This job change, while nearly guaranteed to work for the duration of the school-year, has a major drawback in that it leaves us without a second income during the summer when school is out. This is, you might imagine, a major stressor to me (even if it isn't so much so for my wife). This is where most of the income drop comes into play, an amount I think we'll be hard-pressed to save up over the next seven or eight months while managing our other needs. My wife may be left with no option but to get a temporary part-time gig for the summer – something we can't guarantee when you consider the state of the economy. After I finish the 2011 budget, I'm sure additional cuts will be on the table.

Even with these probable financial hardships, with the turning of this page my wife sees not only more time for our son's home schooling, but the opportunity to work more closely with her church and to do work to which I believe she feels called by a higher power. I can't stand in the way of that, nor can I argue the impossibility of our financial situation because I am still fairly confident in our ability to adjust our lifestyle to nearly any need... but I'm not going to claim any of it will be particularly easy.

Cardinals Sweep the Reds

In a three-game series this week the St. Louis Cardinals, much to the chagrin of most people I know, swept the Cincinnati Reds on their own home field. This earns me the ire of many of my coworkers, several of my friends, and at least a few of my wife's family, even though I obviously had nothing to do with it. It is funny all the same, especially considering many of my coworkers kept telling me how this was the “most important series of the year.”

If the Reds had won at least two out of three I was going to wear one of my wife's Reds caps to work on Thursday, but since that didn't happen, well, I guess my STL cap will be worn instead. Go Cardinals!

Change for the Sake of Change

(or Rant on Changes)

I'm the sort of person that doesn't deal well with change. As a general rule, with any modification to my life and schedule comes crankiness, forgetfulness, and new and creative uses of foul language.

Most of the daily changes I have to deal with tend to be forced by the management of the company for which I work. It is definitely a company that is willing to e xperiment with new ways of doing things, or at times to re-experiment with an old way of doing things (that probably didn't work very well). Of course, the employees fill the position of “lab rats” in this process, paying for the management's mistakes in blood, sweat, and unnecessary overtime hours.

So they change things, and then change them back, numerous times before settling on a course of action – usually the way it was before they started messing with it – and then pick something else to play around with like a kitten that has bored with its ball of yarn. Sometimes they change break schedules, other times job processes are modified. Other times yet they have changed entire shifts, forcing workers into new schedules to accommodate the company or even to quit entirely because their personal lives couldn't be so totally re-arranged on a whim.

Lets just suffice to say that I do tire of feeling like I'm owned by my employer... but that could be another post in and of itself so we'll move on.

Aside from work changing things, sometimes seemingly at random, there are many other sources of so-called “improvements” to life. Recently the State of Ohio passed legislation that changes child booster seat requirements so that our son is required to sit within a booster until he is 7 years old. While I understand the intent behind the law, it makes absolutely no concession for those of us who drive older vehicles that do not have shoulder belts in the back seats. As a result, my only way to comply with the law is to have my son ride in the front seat whenever he rides with me (which isn't terribly often).

Furthermore, booster seats are not intended to be used with a locking clip (that little metal H-shaped thing that locks the seat belt), but the belts in my older vehicles do not lock without it, further complicating my compliance with the law.

Fortunately the law doesn't require the booster to be placed in a back seat or I'd be completely screwed... Am I seriously in a minority to be a licensed driver with a vehicle over 20 years old and a booster-aged child? I understand the goal trying to protect children from vehicular deaths but laws need to be written in a manner that can be reasonably applied. I can't spent hundreds of dollars installing new seat belts in my vehicles (not that I'd even be able to find someone who could do it considering the availability of parts for them) and I'd really rather have my son restrained in the back seat, but I will comply to the best of my ability.

So while I deal with government and work changing things on me, I still have to deal with changes within my own family. My wife is starting a new job Monday and my son starts his home schooling the Monday proceeding. Both changes promise to bring new challenges to my schedule, including the need to wake up earlier while work forces me to go to bed later due to steadily increasing overtime. We won't even get into the havoc being wrought on Hickersonian economic policy, suffice to say that the budget has been overhauled six or seven times in the last month. While, like everything else, I know I'll make it through, I still have to acknowledge the stress and anxiety I feel constantly about it all.

So I sit down now with my morning coffee and try to find some way to relax before I face another day of random changes that serve little or no purpose, less random changes that serve other peoples' purposes, and purposeful changes that still continually leave me feeling like everything is out of control. I hope there will eventually be a time when I can get past it and just let it happen without apprehension, fear, or worry... but I honestly think I'm just “wired” to feel this way and that is one thing that will probably never change.

I'm Still Upset

I'm still upset.

Not that the reasons for my irritation are entirely out of my control... Surely some of my own decisions (and at times, indecision) influenced the situation. Of course, some of those decisions were probably influenced by those things that were entirely unpredictable, and as such I have less trouble further reducing my own perceived personal responsibility on the matters. Perception is everything right? If I don't feel like I should be responsible for something, am I still?

Perhaps.

In any event, a great many things led to the Hickersonian financial meltdown in 2009, and as I said a moment ago, I'm still upset.

I'm still upset about the loss of one of my jobs in January of 2009. This event has served as the catalyst for nearly every financial policy change made since. The reasons for termination were crap at best, and since my employment was severed remotely, I was never given an opportunity to let my side of the matter be heard. This was something that I firmly believe was out of my command entirely, and I could speak volumes about this job and how it ended... but I don't think that would serve much purpose here.

Following the job loss, there are certainly moments of indecision, or even just failure to act on decisions (which I suppose amounts to the same thing) for which I take full credit. For instance, there were numerous occasions in which I felt that I needed to find a new part time job doing anything that would provide our budget with at least an extra 200$ every month (about 1/6^th of what the previous part time gig provided). I figured that this, along with a package of budget cuts that I felt were nearly impossible at the time, would be enough to stave off most potential disasters. Since the bankruptcy, we've managed to enact nearly every budget cut that I ever considered prior to August of 2009, so the cuts were indeed possible, and honestly, I don't feel like we are worse for it.

Of course, I'm not entirely sure that getting another job and cutting expenses would have saved us in the long run. One of our early, pre-bankruptcy financial policy changes involved the so-called “sale” of one of our vehicles (and it's 370$ monthly payment) to one of our friends. I say “so-called” because the vehicle had to remain in our name because this friend was unable to finance it himself. For six or seven months he seemed to have no difficulty whatsoever paying for it, but when illness struck his wife payments became impossible for him, leaving me responsible for the payments while he continued to drive the vehicle... for a time, anyway.

As we prepared for the bankruptcy, we did end up “repo-ing” the car, so to speak, but it was difficult. I'm still upset that he didn't just return it to us the moment he couldn't pay for it anymore, but I am further upset that I even allowed to whole fiasco to take place. While I'm not sure there was much I could have done to avoid the bankruptcy, I do think I could have maintained the friendship had I simply never entered into the deal with him.

I'm also still upset with myself for my anger with this friend as I came to learn a few months ago that his wife passed away as a result of her illness... but I'm not entirely sure my actions could have been avoided.

My frustration continues to linger about loosing our house, even if I'm still convinced it was the right decision. To this day we still receive quarterly waste water and trash bills for the property because of various local legalities that leave us responsible for the property until the foreclosure process completes, even though we have no property rights there – we can't even legally enter the dwelling! It is possible that I wouldn't be so upset about this still if it weren't for these continual reminders...

That is one thing no one tells you when you start the bankruptcy process: is that sometimes you're still on the hook for certain expenses even though the trustee has abandoned your claims to the properties in question. I feel like I have every right to be a bit upset about that still... not that it would have changed anything, really.

So today I stand on the other side of the bankruptcy, feeling like we're doing better, but only (quite frankly) because of the charity of others, in particular my wife's family. I wouldn't even have a vehicle to drive to work if it weren't for them, and I remember this debt that we cannot repay daily. I admit, this further upsets me – I don't feel like I'm ever going to see true independence as a man, like I'm going to have to rely on others forever to keep my financial policies working even though, at least on paper, every financial plan I have ever created is logical and consistent with our goals and needs.

It is hard for some people (such as myself) to remember that life can't be plotted out on paper logically. I suppose if it could be, it would be too easy and probably not worth living, but it would certainly be more sensible and predictable.

So I continue to work for a company that, at times, seems hell-bent on my destruction simply to bring home a sufficient amount of currency to allow us to pay our rent and utilities and (hopefully) keep our vehicles running. No wage increase this year, of course (what's a raise?), so while we watch all of our costs going up our wages freeze (or decrease, in some cases). We're moving again this September simply because the rent at our current place is too high for us even if it remains the same (which it wouldn't).

And every day I find myself wondering, “What's next?”

Opening Day

Most of my friends remember there was a time when I was quite verbose about my opinions on a number of subjects, most of which I posted routinely about on my website, titled "Tripwire" before thetripwire.com existed.  Even today I think they owe me some sort of credit for the idea, but I digress...

Today I have created this... blog... in spite of the fact that I've always and will forever hate the term.  Sometimes I need a venue in which to post the things I just can't post on Facebook due to its various limitations, and this will be it.  Excuse me if I ramble and rant from time to time -- its in my nature.

Welcome to Ultimately Hickersonian.