Observations on Patience

I spent a considerable amount of time this weekend in reflective thought on a major failing point in my life, namely patience. I was up at a reasonable time today and the thought came about me that I should work on a little project. The specific nature of this project not being terribly important to the whole world, I shall suffice to say that it encompassed about four hours of fine-motor-skills repetition and only a vague picture in my mind of the intended outcome. Perhaps oddly, I had decided some time ago the physical nature of the project was, on the whole, not nearly as important as these two factors:

1. It needed to be done as a matter of the inward development of patience, and
2. it deserved to be done as a matter of an offering of appreciation.

Sometimes one does something for the less intrinsic reasons rather than the physical, obvious reasons. Today's work could have gone undone forever and no one but myself would ever had known of my intention, subsequent failure to commit, and ultimately, the reason for that failure:  unwillingness to have patience whilst performing the act in and of itself.

I have come to the conclusion today that often times we rush work on things, simply buy something that is suitable but not really as meaningful, or fail to deal with situations at all, solely out of the craving for instant gratification. In what form this gratification comes is probably not as important as a person's attachment and desire for it, because we can each be somewhat different in respect to what specific cravings afflict our mind. In my case, I was concerned that the task I had chosen would become boring or that I would decide that it looked bad, but ultimately these concerns had to be set aside. While failure was an option, it would not be the result of my simply never trying something.

Look upon history and tell me that men such as Francis Scott Key or Frédéric Auguste Bartholdi were so consumed by the need for instant gratification. My projects scale in the span of hours and days; such men toiled for years! Quite frankly, I would say that true greatness never became of anyone so terribly afflicted with impatience – a fact that I hope I can retrain my mind to fully comprehend... in time...

As I prepare for rest tonight, I bring to mind that tomorrow is a day of Uposatha observance... and as such will serve as a day of additional moderation further mental consideration.  While I never seem to quite fully observe such days, I am confident that my efforts at each opportunity further my practice.  This serves as another area of my mind in which intent is present but the patience, among other qualities, may at times be lagging behind.

Friends, I hope you are well and I shall share again soon.

New Year, New Blogging, New Mentality

Funny how the each new year tends to bring new blogging -- sort of like new years resolutions, but not as serious nor as difficult to keep.  With that in mind, I have made some visual changes to the blog to bring a lighter, brighter look to it, and am even considering a "dynamic" layout, although I'll more seriously contemplate that at a later date.

As it pertains to new blogging, I thought I'd share what I'm starting to see materialize as the year starts.

First, my old high school buddy, author of "Ramblings" as well as a previous blog (the title of which escapes me now) has once again purged the net of his previous writings and started anew.  This new blog, aptly titled "Thoughts and Brain Farts," is a giant unknown and, aside from my memory of his previous blogs, I can only speculate as to what will be posted.  I always look forward to this man's insights into the world, regardless of how much I have sometimes disagreed with his conclusions, and am confident that his thought experiments will continue to find ways to make me reconsider that which I assume to be true (or false) at any given time.

Next up, my younger little sister has created her first blog, titled "Fyrefly's Requiem."  I imagine it will be particularly interesting to me to gain insight into her thoughts on life, especially in light of events pertaining to our father and the struggles she will undoubtedly face.

Finally, new insight into my older little sister's life with a recent post on Glass Syringes that caught me off guard by focusing on real-life considerations rather than gaming.  Not that I mean to say that talk of computer games is a bad thing, but the additional inside-look at things that are going on in her life is a good thing from my perspective.

So this year looks like it will bring some new blog content for me to focus my attention towards, which is especially interesting as my own blog starts to take an unexpected, somewhat religious / philosophical overtone.  I continue to hope that my writings, which I'll admit are primarily for my own exploratory benefit, will somehow benefit others, and that when reading the blogs of others I will find constructive, beneficial things to say in support of all who, like myself, suffer in one way or another, some greater some smaller, always.

In closing, I'd like to share a few lines of text I found a few months ago, the reciting of which I find beneficial toward the retraining and betterment of my mental well-being, particularly as it pertains to relating to other beings:

May I have no enmity

may I have no hurtfulness

may I have no troubles of mind and body

may I be able to protect my own happiness.

Whatever beings there are –

     may they have no enmity

whatever beings there are –

     may they have no hurtfulness

whatever beings there are –

     may they have no troubles of mind and body

whatever beings there are –

     may they be able to protect their own happiness.

Be well, and as we start this new year, remember that no matter our differences, no matter how much another wrongs us, we aren't really all that different in life, suffering, and death.  Goodnight, friends.

An Enjoyable Holiday

Yes, the Christmas holiday has come and gone, and I have returned to work (albeit, for what seems to be a light, no overtime, week). The days off were well spent, I believe, mainly focusing on time with my son (who will be seven years old in a few days) and family, some of whom I have not seen in a while.

Saturday consisted of a dinner with a portion of the family, those I term the “core” family, consisting of my wife's parents, siblings, and one of her grandparents. Gifts were exchanged and a dinner enjoyed – a pleasant diversion, as always, after which time the family went to Christmas Eve service at their church and I returned home for some meditation time. Some years, we have also taken an evening drive to see Christmas lights, but we didn't this year, mainly as a result of our son being more sleepy than average...

Of course, that didn't help him get to bed any earlier, but I digress...

Woke up early anyway, Sunday, not that I really had any complaint about it. Enjoyed coffee, then tea, while Dalton opened his gifts. He never finds reason to complain, even though we have always been pretty moderate as it pertains to his Christmas gifts, and is amazingly patient as to getting into the things he receives. I feel like we've done something right with him and I hope we can repeat it when the newborn arrives in a few weeks.

After the morning had passed, we spent the afternoon and early evening with family again, including but not limited to the aforementioned “core” group. A large dinner (and far too many snacks) were consumed, of course, after which we returned home. I spent the remainder of the evening playing The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim (a Christmas gift, thanks to my wife's parents).

Monday was spent in Bellefontaine visiting my Dad, who, in his usual stubborn form, actually looks to be doing fairly well. Suffice to say, he doesn't look like a man that has been told by doctors that he will not live until June. Based on my own observations of him, I think he will exceed expectations by a noteworthy margin. My sisters seem to be doing pretty well, too.

A busy holiday weekend, and still alcohol free.  The first alcohol-free Christmas in twelve years, actually!

Before I close, I did want to share two more of the gifts I received this Christmas, and say some quick thank yous. First, to Michelle's sister Melissa, I wanted to say thank you for the amazing Chess set you gave me. I know such a gift requires considerable time and effort, and I greatly appreciate it. Michelle and I have already played on it, and I fully intend to get back into practice now that I have such a beautiful board with which to do so.

 

Second, I offer thanks to Michelle's parents for the Cardinals shirt. I'm sure I'll find an excuse to wear it downtown this coming summer, even if Pujols (the player named on the back of the shirt) is no longer with the team.

It always seems that people find the most interesting things to gift to me at Christmas time even though I tend to have no idea what to suggest to them when they ask "What do you want for Christmas?"  Even thought I spend a considerable amount of time trying to remind myself to not be too terribly attached to all of the "stuff" in the world, I greatly appreciate the thoughtfulness behind these gifts and will undoubtedly find some measure of enjoyment in them.

So, tonight I have started another book, Being Dharma: The Essence of the Buddha's Teachings, by Ajahn Chah.  I'm hopeful to complete this one prior to returning it and re-borrowing (and completing) The Lotus Sutra, but I suppose only time will prove whether I will succeed at that or not.  In any event, I'm looking forward to the new material and am certain I will find it useful.

Find peace and be well, friends.  I will write again soon.