Five Points of Conduct and Adherence

Tonight I'm spending a little time in consideration of my own daily behavior. I realize a great many of my actions are conditioned ones, mainly having been precipitated from some sort of behavioral norm that I have established over a long period of time, or, perhaps in a deeper sense, the result of prior karma manifesting itself in some way.

I have in the past few months adopted four specific principles that I believe are critical to my positive advancement as a person, whilst a fifth is continually in mind but a little beyond my own personal will for which to reach.

The first of these principles is that all life should have an equal opportunity to continue living happily. This can be difficult, one might imagine, either when confronted by certain breeds of evil that can be witnessed in humankind or when the urge to swat an annoying fly overtakes your body as it buzzes incessantly about your head. I have come to see that either life is just as valid as the other, and neither life is less sacred than my own.

This principle is guiding me towards a feeling of fellowship with all humankind (at a minimum) and is helping me to feel compassion for those that I meet from day to day, whether at work or out and about town. In an odd fashion, I actually feel connected to other people, and it is a very positive feeling for me.

The second of these principles is abstaining from taking that which is not given to me. This goes a little further than stealing, as I do not think that I am stealing if I take a piece of my child's Halloween candy (calling it his “taxes”) or, while at work, borrowing a cart or tape dispenser that I know someone else intends to use without asking. Regardless of whether theft takes place, it is not appropriate for me to simply take what I need for my own benefit, even if only momentarily, without taking proper consideration for the needs of others.

This of course ties into my above statement about compassion for others. Many times, the people I meet at work are already feeling terrible, depressed, or otherwise negative. The last thing they need is another person making anything worse, and if I can make anything even marginally better for them, we are both better off for my trying. In fact, I have noticed in the past weeks how nearly every coworker I meet seems to “shine” if I simply say a nice “Hello” to them in passing from time to time. That by itself is enough for me to feel like I'm doing something right.

The third principle is difficult for me but speaks very directly to my largest problems in life: I choose to abstain from sexual misconduct. No, I don't have a habit of cheating on my wife, but even the prolonged attachment to a sexual thought that is not of the proper nature must be shunned as it constitutes a huge distraction me and does absolutely nothing positive for me or anyone else. By actually paying attention to the thoughts in my mind as I see an attractive woman, for instance, I can often halt them and refocus myself of what I ought to be doing, and this can be done without feeling shame or guilt.

As I have found some measure of success in recent weeks on this matter, I am hopeful that continued contemplation will provide me even more mental stability in the face of the many physical distractions I see from day to day. Further, the unproductive shame that I might have felt trying to force this behavior “because of someone else” is avoided, furthering my ability to maintain as much focus as possible on my own path and work.

The fourth principle is, in short, to not lie. I don't really lie, as a general rule, but I can exaggerate from time to time, as if such exaggerations somehow make the things I'm saying so much more interesting to those who might be listening. This, for my purposes, constitutes a lie and is to be avoided. If I am asked a question, I should answer simply “It is so,” or “it is not so.” I need not make anything seem to be anything but what it in fact was.

By virtue of this blog, I'm sure some might notice that I can be a wordy person. I suppose it should suffice to say that I see how my wordiness leads me away from my path from time to time, and it is a choice to avoid such straying of my mind.

There is, of course, a fifth principle, but my own conditioned nature and personal will are not quite to the point where I'm ready to follow it fully. Maybe I never will, but (there is always a “but,” isn't there?) I have something to strive for. There should come a time in my life when I will choose to abstain from alcohol. The argument here is that the mind is muddied by such drink far more often than not, and my own intent to better myself and contemplate the self is not readily clear when alcohol is present.

Like I said, I'm not sure I'll ever be truly ready to give up alcohol, but I can say firmly that it's advance on my life is halted where it is, as I certainly gain nothing from progressing further into an alcoholic stupor. Today, while I cannot in earnest vow to undertake the abstention of intoxicants, I will vow to prevent myself from willingly consuming intoxicants to the point of heedlessness. Whether that is sufficient in the present time shall be henceforth an issue of karma and continued contemplation.

And so I write and post this somewhat for the benefit of others who might be walking the same path, and somewhat for myself as a reminder of where I have been and where I want to be later. I hope that makes a little sense...

Be well, friends.

I Don't Know...

Something I have come to realize of late is that all of the things I deal with in life, whether they be large are small, are somehow connected, related, or directly resultant from the things I have done before. Call it karma or simply call it cause and effect; it is effectively the same thing either way. My own lust for gratification, anger over perceived wrongs against me, or even simply the intent to just “do what I want to do” at any given moment has an effect on every moment subsequent to it.

Whether that seems positive or negative at the time is inconsequential, it simply is.

I can trace a great many of my own actions in this life to my own, limited understanding of samsara, referring particularly to my most memorable emotions, passions, and experiences. Many of the things I have done in life have been based solely on the misconceptions created in my mind by such feelings and impulses. False perceptions of the world that somehow I decided were true, and so I acted, without complete mindfulness. All of these occurrences have far-reaching implications on every single occurrence that followed it. Overall, I think I can say that I've been rather fortunate that, somehow, I haven't been led into greater disarray and confusion about life in general...

Tonight, I sit in this chair and contemplate how to best describe to my friends and loved ones that which is going on in my mind. Quite frankly, it is difficult because I don't really know. Oddly, this “not knowing” mind is possibly a great strength as I move forward. What am I? I don't know.

I know my obligations as a husband or father, or maybe as an employee, but these attachments do not define me. What am I? I don't know.

So I'll prepare for bed now with that thought on my mind. Will I ever truly answer it?

I don't know...

As a side note tonight, I've done a little updating and the keen observer may note six new images displayed in the Hickersonia's Slides segment (to the left). Several of the images displayed previously were terribly outdated or unimportant, and so I decided it best if I took a moment and “freshened” it.

As I get back into the routine of experimenting with Blogspot's capabilities (some of which may have changed since I last probed the subject), other such changes may be made. I suppose we shall see in time.

Good night, friends. Be well.

Tearing Down of Old Concepts

Or maybe simply bringing in new ones... I'm not sure sometimes.

In recent months I have been reluctant to post anything here, I'll admit. Some of this comes from my uncertainty of what to post, while another piece of the puzzle simply comes from not knowing how those things which are on my mind will be received.

I suppose, as it pertains to the latter, it could be said that I'm breaking down some of the barriers on that matter of late.

I've discussed religion a lot with my friends, and amongst others who care to have reasonable discourse, but I've had a solid seven or eight years in which I haven't been able to call myself “Christian” without cringing. Sure, I've always held some concept of a higher power or being that either provokes(ed) or creates(ed) things on Earth, but this belief has not done me many favors. Fact is, I've spent a number of years hating my fellow man; in a state of anger over most of what I see in life and, quite frankly, in doubt of everything that is decidedly “Christian.”

I've also seen enough selfishness and hate from those who call themselves Christian to figure that most of them have no idea what Christ actually preached.

So I guess the word that has best described my take on religion for some time now is “agnostic.” I have, and remain, unwilling to agree with any particular view that suggests that the creator of the universe can be known fully in our human state. With that said, I've had time to consider what that might really mean, and, to some degree, the ultimate meaninglessness of the question, and have come to a point where I believe I have made a major step in my own spiritual life.

As I said, I have found great anger and hatred in myself towards my fellow human being. The time for the extinguishing of that sentiment has long come and gone, and today I do not allow such negative feelings to fester long within me. To say they are gone entirely would be a lie, but I have broken the mental auto-conditioning that continually perpetuated the myth in my mind that any one person is “bad” and another person is “good.” I am slowly, but surely, breaking down the boundaries in my mind that give me the concept of “self” and the illusion that I am somehow completely independent from everyone else. Further, I am perfecting my understanding of what suffering truly is, its relation to all life in general, and how I can eliminate it in my own existence whilst helping to alleviate it in that of those I meet.

Realizing that we are all interconnected is a major step in my own personal breakthrough. Siddhattha Gotama figured this out nearly 26 centuries ago and spent a great deal of his life in so doing and sharing his insight on the matter. He is no god, but was a man who utilized the massive mental capacity of humankind with which he was born to consider life and it's shortcomings; to analyze himself, his connection to others, and the fact that we are not simply flesh and blood existing for a short time. He came to see our impact on one another and shared his understanding by which we can totally utilize the power of our minds to find an ultimate peace, free of suffering.

And to help others in so doing.

So what is the correct life? I've heard it said that, simply, correct life is if someone is hungry, you give them food. If they are thirsty, give them water. If somebody is suffering, help them. Use your human logic; create your own scenario and fill in the blank using the above-mentioned formula – it isn't terribly difficult.

This is basically what I feel like I'm growing toward. It isn't about specific religious practice, but the practice of mental lovingkindness that supersedes all the rubbish that might otherwise defile my mind and persuade me to be negative and to wrong my fellow man.

Do I have any pretense of ever being perfect? No.  Or more bluntly; hell no.

I do, however, believe that I can improve upon myself and become more than I am today. That, and I see the opportunity to promote positive attitudes in others, and hopefully, lessen their suffering as a result.

As I grow in this process, I am hopeful that I will find the time and interest to continue to share as I go along this new path in my life. Else-wise, this is going to be a pretty dead blog page, huh...  Ha!

Thanks for reading.  Be well, friends.