Or
maybe simply bringing in new ones... I'm not sure sometimes.
In
recent months I have been reluctant to post anything here, I'll
admit. Some of this comes from my uncertainty of what to post, while
another piece of the puzzle simply comes from not knowing how those
things which are on my mind will be received.
I
suppose, as it pertains to the latter, it could be said that I'm
breaking down some of the barriers on that matter of late.
I've
discussed religion a lot with my friends, and amongst others who care
to have reasonable discourse, but I've had a solid seven or eight
years in which I haven't been able to call myself “Christian”
without cringing. Sure, I've always held some concept of a higher
power or being that either provokes(ed) or creates(ed) things on
Earth, but this belief has not done me many favors. Fact is, I've
spent a number of years hating my fellow man; in a state of anger
over most of what I see in life and, quite frankly, in doubt of
everything that is decidedly “Christian.”
I've also seen enough selfishness and hate from those who call themselves Christian to figure that most of them have no idea what Christ actually preached.
So
I guess the word that has best described my take on religion for some
time now is “agnostic.” I have, and remain, unwilling to agree
with any particular view that suggests that the creator of the
universe can be known fully in our human state. With that said, I've
had time to consider what that might really mean, and, to some
degree, the ultimate meaninglessness of the question, and have come
to a point where I believe I have made a major step in my own
spiritual life.
As
I said, I have found great anger and hatred in myself towards my
fellow human being. The time for the extinguishing of that sentiment
has long come and gone, and today I do not allow such negative
feelings to fester long within me. To say they are gone entirely would be
a lie, but I have broken the mental auto-conditioning that
continually perpetuated the myth in my mind that any one person is
“bad” and another person is “good.” I am slowly, but surely,
breaking down the boundaries in my mind that give me the concept of
“self” and the illusion that I am somehow completely independent
from everyone else. Further, I am perfecting my understanding of
what suffering truly is, its relation to all life in general, and how
I can eliminate it in my own existence whilst helping to alleviate it
in that of those I meet.
Realizing
that we are all interconnected is a major step in my own personal
breakthrough. Siddhattha Gotama figured this out nearly 26 centuries
ago and spent a great deal of his life in so doing and sharing his
insight on the matter. He is no god, but was a man who utilized the
massive mental capacity of humankind with which he was born to
consider life and it's shortcomings; to analyze himself, his
connection to others, and the fact that we are not simply flesh and
blood existing for a short time. He came to see our impact on one
another and shared his understanding by which we can totally utilize
the power of our minds to find an ultimate peace, free of suffering.
And
to help others in so doing.
So
what is the correct life? I've heard it said that, simply, correct
life is if someone is hungry, you give them food. If they are
thirsty, give them water. If somebody is suffering, help them. Use
your human logic; create your own scenario and fill in the blank
using the above-mentioned formula – it isn't terribly difficult.
This
is basically what I feel like I'm growing toward. It isn't about
specific religious practice, but the practice of mental
lovingkindness that supersedes all the rubbish that might otherwise
defile my mind and persuade me to be negative and to wrong my fellow
man.
Do
I have any pretense of ever being perfect? No. Or more bluntly; hell no.
I
do, however, believe that I can improve upon myself and become more
than I am today. That, and I see the opportunity to promote positive
attitudes in others, and hopefully, lessen their suffering as a
result.
As
I grow in this process, I am hopeful that I will find the time and
interest to continue to share as I go along this new path in my life.
Else-wise, this is going to be a pretty dead blog page, huh... Ha!
Thanks for reading. Be
well, friends.
