Reflection on a Week Without Alcohol

Last Tuesday night (super-early Wednesday morning, in actuality), I was enjoying my last (so far anyway) alcoholic beverage, a 24 oz. Busch Light as I recall, doing some reading and making some observations. It isn't often that I've decided to really pay attention to the manner in which I read – especially considering, until recently, I haven't really spent much time reading at all unless it was in a game of some sort. I noticed that, not only was I reading more slowly than I had earlier in the day (before work), but I was re-reading the same passages three and four times in order to properly grasp the meanings of the text.

This isn't as simple as not comprehending the words – I found myself skipping words; entire lines. I found it rather disconcerting that after consuming only 12 -16 oz of alcohol my ability to read was so seriously impaired. I imagined that all methods by which I could take in information were similarly compromised. I think this observation is what brought me to the conclusion that I needed to do something different.

After sleeping it off, I spent some time before work Wednesday reading about quitting drinking. Obviously, there are a great multitude of differing opinions on the best method, and no one particular source was any more helpful than another. I finally decided on a simple “cold turkey” approach, which seemed the most logical and has worked for me in the past. Maybe this doesn't work quite like smoking for most people, but I can honestly say that the easiest way to quit something is to simply quit.

As a result of quitting, I have noted an increase in my attentiveness at work and at home (during our home-schooling hours); at times I wouldn't have been drinking anyway. It is clear to me that the alcohol's effect on the brain, while most pronounced immediately after consumption, is still present many hours after the more immediate effect has worn off. These effects, I'm guessing, are cumulative over time, and seem to reduce over time much like the half-life of a radioactive isotope. I imagine I have some time ahead of me before fully realizing the benefit of this choice, but already I have had friends come to me and congratulate me, and, in one particular instance, open up to me about how unhelpful I had been on certain past occasions as a result of my heedlessness. Of course, I've also had some skeptical attitudes thrown at me, but all these words (positive or negative) have only strengthened my resolve, and I am thankful for them.

So I've gone seven days without so much as a sip of an alcoholic beverage, a feat I have not so much as tried to accomplish in over ten years. Am I terribly impressed? No, not really. There are other areas of my life in which much improvement is needed, and I've only truly started to reap the rewards of this particular change. That said, the rewards already have indeed been significant in the form of improved mental concentration in general, including extra “willpower” so-to-speak against the other various negative influences in life. I am hopeful that readers of this blog (however few of you there may be) can find something helpful or uplifting in this commentary. We each have struggles to overcome in life, and, quite clearly, one must admit that an issue exists to ever truly hope to address it.

Be well, friends, and thank you.

Thanksgiving in Review (and other news)

A couple weeks have passed since I last felt like updating, and a few worthwhile happenstances have taken place.

First and foremost, Thanksgiving:

My sisters came down to visit for the holiday weekend, providing an interesting, and enjoyable upheaval to the status quo at home. I actually felt like they connected a bit with my wife's family while they visited for the Thanksgiving meal, and over the weekend we had the chance to watch some Netflix shows that I would have never thought to watch (Death Note, for example). The visit gave Dalton some time with his aunts, something I think he misses out on far too much, and honestly, I think they miss out on him too (even if they don't realize it).

To the right, a photo of my sisters, myself, and my son enjoying Thanksgiving and discussing video gaming.  I seem to recall discussing PC vs. Console gaming; the advantages and disadvantages of each, particularly as it relates to multi-player gaming.  Below, left to right, my sisters (Shelly and Jenny) and my wife (Michelle) taken over the holiday weekend.

    

Additionally, in the weeks immediately prior to Thanksgiving, my son and I had begun playing hot seat games of Civilization V.  Interestingly, my son has gotten reasonably good at it (mind you, he is only six years old) and actually beat me in our first game.  Of course, I played at a significant disadvantage (Warlord difficulty vs. Settler) and spent much of the game giving him pointers instead of building my own country, but he has continued to display increasing skill in each subsequent game.  Below:  A brief video of him playing a turn of Civ over the Thanksgiving weekend.

Don't ask me what he's singing -- I seriously have no idea.  It was his last turn before bedtime, so I think his brain was shutting down already.

Now, moving on to more recent events; in what I've realized is probably an extremely surprising move on my part, I've decided to deepen my Dharma practice with the taking of the Fifth Precept. For anyone who's been keeping up with recent posts, you may recall that it is the abstaining of alcoholic beverages (primarily), something I have been hesitant to eliminate from my life. In fact, over ten years of habit-forming made the decision rather difficult to come to – I spent several weeks rationalizing my drinking with thoughts like “it isn't hurting anyone” and “it has not let me to get in trouble yet.”

Wednesday, I finally came to the point when I realized that my ability to progress spiritually (and mentally) was severely hindered by alcohol. Being a hindrance, it only makes sense that I work to eliminate it so that I have the opportunity to advance.

I won't promise to never drink an alcoholic drink again, but I do not need it in my home as a general rule, nor in any other place where I might choose to focus on the strengthening of my mind.  That said, I mentioned once that I had likely consumed over one million calories in my lifetime from alcohol alone, and I think it is reasonable to assume at this point that I would do well to restrict it for health reasons as well.

On the subject of Dharma practice, I have created a new study guide, which includes a number of improvements over the previous one.  Namely, it is printed in color, includes a number of tactile / appearance enhancements, and I've added nearly 40 pages of content.  It is also noteworthy that I spent some time fixing spelling and other typographical errors, as well as fixing an entire page that I somehow missed on the original booklet.

Right:  The new study guide, completed Sunday.

Below: Left is a corner view attempting to display a major enhancement on the finishing of the cover.  Right is an open-book view of the new one by itself.

In closing, be well friends.  I will try to post again soon.

Be Patient; Take Time to Reflect

I have spent a considerable amount of my spare time over the past two weeks working on a little project that I feel has helped me immeasurably in my practice of patience. I have always had a tendency to be difficult to calm when I am wanting to accomplish something. This has, on occasion, led me to become frustrated and fail to complete tasks, or to do such poor work that the result was worthless or the damage caused was difficult to repair.

In this case, I surprised myself by proving, with persistent optimism, that the time involved in a project or plan carried a value of it's own.

Today, I completed the task of assembling, binding, and decorating a personal study guide; a book with notes on philosophical reflection and practice, including a translation of the Dhammapada. Of course, my wife helped me to learn a simple binding technique, but I had to adapt it to the size of the book (38 sheets double-sided, 78 printed pages) and figure out a way to print the thing in the proper sequence (oddly, this isn't as simple as it sounds).

So I'm pleased to debut my first attempt at organizing and binding a book of this sort:

 

It is really amazing to me that something like this could be done using readily available materials and tools (thankfully, my wife had already purchased most of the supplies – it is all the sort of stuff that can be acquired at any hobby store). More interesting than this, however; is how much time I had available during which to get really frustrated and give up, but I didn't, in spite of a few setbacks. Quite frankly, I feel like I can be a sort of proof that the Buddha's teachings on reconditioning the mind against anger and frustration can truly work.

Instead of becoming frustrated at delay and error, I was able to take it all and see it for what it was: simple mistakes. If that is all there is to it, there was no evil intended. That, and the anger I could have felt would have yielded no positive outcome, and so it would have simply brought me down and caused suffering.

I feel like a lot of things in life are like this for me (and others). We simply need to remember that the anger wouldn't do any good anyway, so what is the reason for dwelling in it and letting it run us into a ditch? There is no reason.

Today, I have, with support and determination, finished a project of personal value to me that, had I gotten angry, would simply have never been completed. I took the time to truly reflect on the state of things, both within and outside of my person, and I can duplicate that success in the future. That fact has the most value of all things.

My advice to my friends tonight: Don't try too hard. Don't let anger prevent you from taking the time – having the patience – to complete a task properly. Further, look into yourself and don't be afraid to ask someone to help you when you know, deep down, that you aren't 100% able on your own. The beginning of human wisdom is the knowing that one does not know.

Good night, friends.